Are you there G-D, it's me and my fat ass!

I broke up w/my trainer. It is so strangely like ending a relationship. I was emotional he seemed very angry. It was a mess there was a scene at the gym.

I knew from the beginning he was not the ONE. I had told him all of the things I don't like to do-sweating was one of them. My goal was to lose 25 lbs, the 'right' way, w/diet and exercise sans the sweat and I definitely didn't want to build muscle. It may just be me but, I don't find hard women beautiful or sexy and I am not into a man who does. He kept telling me that weights and strength training would yield the desired results- that was his first mistake. We had an initial consultation where I explained to him that I am not a girl who does strenuous exercise I had done yoga and pilates in the past they are slow and fluid movements that was more suited to me before I was attacked by 25 extra lbs in a back alley in some shady part of the city. I knew it was a mistake- a toxic relationship but, I always choose the wrong guy.

Lost

Have you ever seen how women on soaps always take an earring off before taking a call? Well it always fascinated me, I thought it looked so sopisticated to take an earring off then pick up the phone. The best part was the way it looked when they sort of swung their hair to the side and sat so straight. I decided around the age of 11 that if I had to get a job where I answered the phone, I would take my earring off and swing my hair to the side when I did it.

Flash forward 18 years...(flash forward music) I am working for an investment firm and I answer calls from Portfolio Managers like every 30 minutes. Sometimes I just keep the earring off- the drama of it all would send too many people to voice mail. On one particular day, I had on earrings w/a post. When the phone rang I took off the earring, sat up but the post was missing. "Oh well", I thought it probably dropped on the floor I'll find it after the call. The call lasted only a few minutes so I began to look around before there was too much hustle and bustle in the office. It was no where to be found! Not on the floor, not near the door. Not in the trash, not under my- thigh. Not on my chair, I couldn't find it ANYWHERE! Then I had a thought, maybe it had rolled under my cube and into my neighbor's; it was not there either. Then it hit me. I looked in my bra and at first I didn't see so there was a temporary sigh of relief but, just to be sure, I looked under one of my breasts and sure enough there it was. I immediately had a flash of Aretha Franklin and not the RESPECT Aretha, today's Aretha w/the boobs that can hide WMDs under them. I thought, "OMG when do you go from perky no bra needed to searching for lost items under them?" "How does this happen to a woman?"

Well, I couldn't have a meltdown just then so I put my earring back on and rearranged my boob back to where it was- for symetry.

Tuesday 15-Jan-08

So I get to work today and am secretly praising myself for being able to tuck my shirt into my pants. I have been really busy today going from meeting to meeting. My first opportunity to go to the restroom wasn’t until 12:56 PM…at which point I go to the restroom and of course gaze at my reflection in the mirror, only to find that I had tucked my shirt into my panties which were showing over the top of my pants!!!!!!