On being a cougar: Firstly, I agree with Demi Moore, to call a woman a cougar implies negatively that she has somehow preyed upon a defenseless young buck and taken him down. I much prefer, like her to be referred to as a Panther- so much sexier, don't cha think? I have dated someone younger than me twice. Once was sexy not so much because he was younger but, combine that w/it being an office romance complete w/afternoon rendezvous's to his nearby apartment and fervent glances during company meetings. Steamy. It was fun but his youth would expose itself on occasion and he became attached...bad move for any office affair. It ended amicably and we are still friends. Always leave them wanting more!
The second took me by surprise completely. Can I just preface this by saying I have had my fair share of quality lovers and a few duds. I had assumed (well not really assumed, they were definitely man whores) that men acquired 'talent' through a lot of practice. Au contraire mon frere!!!!!
I will skip the boring way we met (suffice it to say, two ppl we knew third wheeled us, one thing led to another, there was a beach trip and the feeding of the sweetest, ripest pineapple followed by the most tender of kisses and the next thing I knew we left the beach, showered and defiled my sister's living room- and all of the furniture in it)
I can only go from what he has told me but, this young man is artful, masterful and completely educated w/regard to what pleases a woman- and he is so very eager to please...more to come both literally and figuratively! Owww!!! Purrr!!!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Pigs in a Blanket
Do you remember that scene from 'Steel Magnolias' at Shelby's wedding when the new mayor's wife was dancing in that tight pink dress? Upon the sight of the woman, Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) exclaimed, "Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket!". Well, that is what I feel like today. It's not so funny when you are the little piggy...
The week started pretty great I have to say. I mean, you all know that I quit my trainer but, I have been continuing to eat healthier and have been doing stretching and strength training exercises. Then this morning happened. I have this fabulous Elie Tahari black embellished blouse. I was planning to accompany that w/this great pair of stiff NO STRETCH black jeans that I found for like $10. (it was such a great find for a fab pair of jeans!) that I had worn previously w/no issues. I knew the blouse was cutting it close when I bought it in a state of depression that is what led to my current dilemma. I put on the blouse and tried to zip the side zipper, (first clue- I couldn't reach the zipper by maneuvering my fat arsed arms) luckily my son was there to look at me w/his judgemental disappointed eyes. He got halfway through pulling down the zipper when he began to shake his head and exclaim that the zipper would not close. It turns out that the zipper was caught but he had me so self conscious that I wound up breaking the little pull thing on the zipper which made my son even more disgusted. Here is what my Loving Son said to me, "Mom, you really have to stop. It's like at first you were getting a little chubby but now it's like your face is the only skinny part of your body!" Yeah, I know- can you believe he said that?! But that was not all he said, by no means was that all he said. He went on to say, after it took me 37 minutes to get the zipper zipped once it broke, I tried to stuff myself into the NO STRETCH jeans that fit so well last winter..."Mom, don't you have any jeans that fit? I don't think you are going to be able to get your legs into those. Mom, just stop! you need to just stop!" I got myself into those jeans, so there, "Mom, it looks like all your fat got pushed to the top and now it's hanging over the sides of your jeans." At that point he couldn't deter me, for one because an hour had passed and it would probably take me that long to get the outfit back off plus I was so tired that if I did manage to get the blouse and jeans back off, I would need a nap. I have to admit, the jeans are so tight that my son had to put my shoes on for me. (please stop laughing) In the car I kept getting sharp pains as if I was strangling my sciatic nerve and I can just feel the bruising of my flesh each time I inhale but I looked in the mirror and I still think I look pretty good. (I will post the pics; feel free to comment)
The week started pretty great I have to say. I mean, you all know that I quit my trainer but, I have been continuing to eat healthier and have been doing stretching and strength training exercises. Then this morning happened. I have this fabulous Elie Tahari black embellished blouse. I was planning to accompany that w/this great pair of stiff NO STRETCH black jeans that I found for like $10. (it was such a great find for a fab pair of jeans!) that I had worn previously w/no issues. I knew the blouse was cutting it close when I bought it in a state of depression that is what led to my current dilemma. I put on the blouse and tried to zip the side zipper, (first clue- I couldn't reach the zipper by maneuvering my fat arsed arms) luckily my son was there to look at me w/his judgemental disappointed eyes. He got halfway through pulling down the zipper when he began to shake his head and exclaim that the zipper would not close. It turns out that the zipper was caught but he had me so self conscious that I wound up breaking the little pull thing on the zipper which made my son even more disgusted. Here is what my Loving Son said to me, "Mom, you really have to stop. It's like at first you were getting a little chubby but now it's like your face is the only skinny part of your body!" Yeah, I know- can you believe he said that?! But that was not all he said, by no means was that all he said. He went on to say, after it took me 37 minutes to get the zipper zipped once it broke, I tried to stuff myself into the NO STRETCH jeans that fit so well last winter..."Mom, don't you have any jeans that fit? I don't think you are going to be able to get your legs into those. Mom, just stop! you need to just stop!" I got myself into those jeans, so there, "Mom, it looks like all your fat got pushed to the top and now it's hanging over the sides of your jeans." At that point he couldn't deter me, for one because an hour had passed and it would probably take me that long to get the outfit back off plus I was so tired that if I did manage to get the blouse and jeans back off, I would need a nap. I have to admit, the jeans are so tight that my son had to put my shoes on for me. (please stop laughing) In the car I kept getting sharp pains as if I was strangling my sciatic nerve and I can just feel the bruising of my flesh each time I inhale but I looked in the mirror and I still think I look pretty good. (I will post the pics; feel free to comment)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Are you there G-D, it's me and my fat ass!
I broke up w/my trainer. It is so strangely like ending a relationship. I was emotional he seemed very angry. It was a mess there was a scene at the gym.
I knew from the beginning he was not the ONE. I had told him all of the things I don't like to do-sweating was one of them. My goal was to lose 25 lbs, the 'right' way, w/diet and exercise sans the sweat and I definitely didn't want to build muscle. It may just be me but, I don't find hard women beautiful or sexy and I am not into a man who does. He kept telling me that weights and strength training would yield the desired results- that was his first mistake. We had an initial consultation where I explained to him that I am not a girl who does strenuous exercise I had done yoga and pilates in the past they are slow and fluid movements that was more suited to me before I was attacked by 25 extra lbs in a back alley in some shady part of the city. I knew it was a mistake- a toxic relationship but, I always choose the wrong guy.
I knew from the beginning he was not the ONE. I had told him all of the things I don't like to do-sweating was one of them. My goal was to lose 25 lbs, the 'right' way, w/diet and exercise sans the sweat and I definitely didn't want to build muscle. It may just be me but, I don't find hard women beautiful or sexy and I am not into a man who does. He kept telling me that weights and strength training would yield the desired results- that was his first mistake. We had an initial consultation where I explained to him that I am not a girl who does strenuous exercise I had done yoga and pilates in the past they are slow and fluid movements that was more suited to me before I was attacked by 25 extra lbs in a back alley in some shady part of the city. I knew it was a mistake- a toxic relationship but, I always choose the wrong guy.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Lost
Have you ever seen how women on soaps always take an earring off before taking a call? Well it always fascinated me, I thought it looked so sopisticated to take an earring off then pick up the phone. The best part was the way it looked when they sort of swung their hair to the side and sat so straight. I decided around the age of 11 that if I had to get a job where I answered the phone, I would take my earring off and swing my hair to the side when I did it.
Flash forward 18 years...(flash forward music) I am working for an investment firm and I answer calls from Portfolio Managers like every 30 minutes. Sometimes I just keep the earring off- the drama of it all would send too many people to voice mail. On one particular day, I had on earrings w/a post. When the phone rang I took off the earring, sat up but the post was missing. "Oh well", I thought it probably dropped on the floor I'll find it after the call. The call lasted only a few minutes so I began to look around before there was too much hustle and bustle in the office. It was no where to be found! Not on the floor, not near the door. Not in the trash, not under my- thigh. Not on my chair, I couldn't find it ANYWHERE! Then I had a thought, maybe it had rolled under my cube and into my neighbor's; it was not there either. Then it hit me. I looked in my bra and at first I didn't see so there was a temporary sigh of relief but, just to be sure, I looked under one of my breasts and sure enough there it was. I immediately had a flash of Aretha Franklin and not the RESPECT Aretha, today's Aretha w/the boobs that can hide WMDs under them. I thought, "OMG when do you go from perky no bra needed to searching for lost items under them?" "How does this happen to a woman?"
Well, I couldn't have a meltdown just then so I put my earring back on and rearranged my boob back to where it was- for symetry.
Flash forward 18 years...(flash forward music) I am working for an investment firm and I answer calls from Portfolio Managers like every 30 minutes. Sometimes I just keep the earring off- the drama of it all would send too many people to voice mail. On one particular day, I had on earrings w/a post. When the phone rang I took off the earring, sat up but the post was missing. "Oh well", I thought it probably dropped on the floor I'll find it after the call. The call lasted only a few minutes so I began to look around before there was too much hustle and bustle in the office. It was no where to be found! Not on the floor, not near the door. Not in the trash, not under my- thigh. Not on my chair, I couldn't find it ANYWHERE! Then I had a thought, maybe it had rolled under my cube and into my neighbor's; it was not there either. Then it hit me. I looked in my bra and at first I didn't see so there was a temporary sigh of relief but, just to be sure, I looked under one of my breasts and sure enough there it was. I immediately had a flash of Aretha Franklin and not the RESPECT Aretha, today's Aretha w/the boobs that can hide WMDs under them. I thought, "OMG when do you go from perky no bra needed to searching for lost items under them?" "How does this happen to a woman?"
Well, I couldn't have a meltdown just then so I put my earring back on and rearranged my boob back to where it was- for symetry.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday 15-Jan-08
So I get to work today and am secretly praising myself for being able to tuck my shirt into my pants. I have been really busy today going from meeting to meeting. My first opportunity to go to the restroom wasn’t until 12:56 PM…at which point I go to the restroom and of course gaze at my reflection in the mirror, only to find that I had tucked my shirt into my panties which were showing over the top of my pants!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
