Pigs in a Blanket

Do you remember that scene from 'Steel Magnolias' at Shelby's wedding when the new mayor's wife was dancing in that tight pink dress? Upon the sight of the woman, Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) exclaimed, "Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket!". Well, that is what I feel like today. It's not so funny when you are the little piggy...
The week started pretty great I have to say. I mean, you all know that I quit my trainer but, I have been continuing to eat healthier and have been doing stretching and strength training exercises. Then this morning happened. I have this fabulous Elie Tahari black embellished blouse. I was planning to accompany that w/this great pair of stiff NO STRETCH black jeans that I found for like $10. (it was such a great find for a fab pair of jeans!) that I had worn previously w/no issues. I knew the blouse was cutting it close when I bought it in a state of depression that is what led to my current dilemma. I put on the blouse and tried to zip the side zipper, (first clue- I couldn't reach the zipper by maneuvering my fat arsed arms) luckily my son was there to look at me w/his judgemental disappointed eyes. He got halfway through pulling down the zipper when he began to shake his head and exclaim that the zipper would not close. It turns out that the zipper was caught but he had me so self conscious that I wound up breaking the little pull thing on the zipper which made my son even more disgusted. Here is what my Loving Son said to me, "Mom, you really have to stop. It's like at first you were getting a little chubby but now it's like your face is the only skinny part of your body!" Yeah, I know- can you believe he said that?! But that was not all he said, by no means was that all he said. He went on to say, after it took me 37 minutes to get the zipper zipped once it broke, I tried to stuff myself into the NO STRETCH jeans that fit so well last winter..."Mom, don't you have any jeans that fit? I don't think you are going to be able to get your legs into those. Mom, just stop! you need to just stop!" I got myself into those jeans, so there, "Mom, it looks like all your fat got pushed to the top and now it's hanging over the sides of your jeans." At that point he couldn't deter me, for one because an hour had passed and it would probably take me that long to get the outfit back off plus I was so tired that if I did manage to get the blouse and jeans back off, I would need a nap. I have to admit, the jeans are so tight that my son had to put my shoes on for me. (please stop laughing) In the car I kept getting sharp pains as if I was strangling my sciatic nerve and I can just feel the bruising of my flesh each time I inhale but I looked in the mirror and I still think I look pretty good. (I will post the pics; feel free to comment)